Thespian Talents of Carmelo Anthony

Carmelo Anthony is averaging 31.2 PPG, 7.6 RPG, 4.4 APG, and 51% FG over his last 10 games.  Born anew from the ashes of the Mike D’Antoni Knicks, Melo has transformed his team from perennial laughingstock to sleeping giant in the Eastern Conference.  Very much like Jesus, he reminded us all that the messiah hath returned on Easter Day, dismantling the Chicago Bulls with a scintillating performance, sinking clutch shot after clutch shot.

But who is the real Carmelo Anthony?  Is he just a world-class, professional athlete?  A family man?  A connoisseur of Venetian wines?  A classically trained thespian reminiscent of a young Clint Eastwood?  I believe this recent guest appearance on Nurse Jackie shall give us a little insight into the individual often times known as just “Melo”  Here’s an in-depth analysis of the appearance:

0:26 – Clad in plaid, Carmelo ganders down at his watch, likely extravagant and worthy of a Jay-Z line.  With his Audemars losing time hidden behind all those big rocks, he’s utterly disinterested in his surroundings, enrapturing himself in an alternate reality where the face of his watch is a distant future and his eyes are the means to reach it.  Returning to our dimension, he looks up, stoic in expression with a hand on his face signifying complete lethargy.

0:38 – Melo symbolically blinks but once.  Aloof and withdrawn in the past, he had only pretended to listen as a sort of perfunctory courtesy.  The moment his eyes shut and open, a new man emerges like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon.  With a look evocative of David Beckham Armani ads and the attention-to-detail of Sherlock Holmes, he begins taking in his surroundings, an impregnable bastion where words reign freely.  Is Melo simply capricious in demeanor, or has something indeed struck his interest?

0:59 – Pithy and to-the-point, Melo grins in a brief moment of regalement.  “Professional baseball player, same here.”  Confiding in a complete stranger with a hint of braggadocio, Melo attempts to ameliorate the situation by bringing this woman solace in the fact that they share a common bond, united by narcotics in their workplace.  Beyond the rugged, tattooed exterior is a kind, altruistic man who may not be a hero, but seems to be on the road to redemption.

1:12 – Charming and suave, Melo politely giggles at the expensive of a senile old woman.  No female in the room is safe from the pure sex appeal he exudes, as the room is obscured in an aura of seduction.  He flashes his pearly whites with a playful grin, assuredly causing orgasms in nearly 79% of Nurse Jackie viewers.

1:34 – Nodding in agreement, Melo has come full-circle.  Formerly under the guise of somebody who actually cared about the confidentialities and personal stories being shared, he seems to be letting his guard down.

1:38 – “First one’s a curveball, so I know second one’s gonna be a fastball.  So I choke up on the bat, turn my wrist so that the ball is guaranteed to hit the bone.  CUHHHRACCCKK…90 miles per hour, shattered it.  Surgery and dope for a whole year.”  Melo eloquently portrays his own story, a young, baseball player willing to relinquish an entire season to injury to satiate his need for dope.  His peers are completely enthralled by this haunting tale of self-sacrifice and masochism.

2:00 – Bewildered and flabbergasted by the old woman’s quip, Melo dons a look of absolute astonishment.  Like himself, these people are only human.

2:09 – Divulging himself in a game of cards in the background, Melo infringes upon a conversation between Nurse Jackie and a green-haired lad.  “I gotta take a leak, don’t nobody touch my cards.”  Melo rises from the table, commanding both the fear and reverence of his peers.  A harbinger foreboding nightmarish events to come, he softly, yet powerfully urges those around him to leave his cards alone.  End scene.